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It's the Pitts PDF Print E-mail
Written by Lee Pitts   

Thank a farm animal (best of)

“You meat eaters are all overweight,” said Ms. Veggie. “I bet you can take a shower and never get your feet wet.”

“I am not overweight, just six inches too short,” said the cowboy. “I’ll have you know that I am a light eater.”

“Yeah, the minute it gets light, you start eating.”

“Well, you vegetarians aren’t much to look at either. That wool you’re wearing looked better on the sheep. I am surprised that you vegetarians love nature so much after what it did to you. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Your eyes are yellow, and your skin is orange. I’d cut back on the carrot juice if I were you. But if it wasn’t for hogs, you’d look even worse. Did you know that make up you are wearing came from animal byproducts?”

“I could live without make up.”

“Yeah, but then you’d need plastic surgery, and that would be impossible without cartilage from cattle and animal sutures.”

“I’ll have you know that this face has stopped many a heart.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing they had adrenaline from livestock to get those hearts restarted. In fact, there are many farm animal byproducts that you tree huggers would have a hard time living without, including your biodegradable soap that, pardon me for saying so, isn’t working all that well. Could you please stand downwind from me? There, that’s better. You do know that cattle played a major role in the settling of the west don’t you?

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Holyoke Enterprise December 5, 2013