Do I know you?

The dirty little secret that no one dares talk about is that most of the world’s environmental problems would go away if people would just start having fewer children. We’re faced with an overflowing bathtub of humans on earth, and we’re reaching for towels to clean up the mess. Is it asking too much of parents around the world to just shut the faucet off once in a while?

I’ll give you an example. There was a popular TV show that cerebrated a family that included 19 children. Do you realize if those 19 kids had 19 children of their own and those kids had 19 children, the original parents would have 361 grandkids and 6,859 great-grandchildren sitting at the kids’ table for Thanksgiving?

How many kids is too many? I’d suggest you may have too many kids if...

You can’t remember all their names.

When you take the family to Costco and the food vendors see your family approaching they immediately shut down their free food sample booths.

You have a child and a grandchild on the same day.

You’re going for the Guinness record book of births by a single mother, which is 69, held by a Russian woman, Mrs. Vasilyeva, who gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets. (She never gave birth to a single.)

Toys R Us and Kmart went bankrupt because you had a gigantic yard sale and sold all your kiddie toys and clothes.

Your family car is  an old converted school bus.

You have your own show on the Discovery Channel.

Your “kids’ horse” that you used to teach all your kids how to ride commits suicide after the news of the birth of your latest set of triplets reaches the barnyard.

The PTA made you an honorary life member.

One time you accidentally left a child in the lightbulb section of Home Depot and didn’t realize it until the next day.

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