Cars just ain’t the same

I  hate using a title with the word “ain’t” in it, but that expresses more clearly my position on cars. If the Enterprise allows the word, fine — if not, they have my permission to use “aren’t.” My dictionaries tell me “ain’t” is perfectly fine in casual language but shouldn’t be used in formal or technical writing — and “technical” or “formal” are certainly not descriptions of my articles to the paper.

Last week, while driving our new Subaru, I realized that automobiles have changed incredibly since my first car, a very used 1956 Chevy four-door hardtop. Some of you who have purchased cars in the last couple of years understand where I am going with this. It is like the cars have a brain (and emotion), like “Christine,” the fairly scary movie Stephen King made about a car going berserk.

My Subaru has more (complicated) electronic displays than the F-15 Eagle I flew in the Air Force. Everything you want and much more can be displayed in color and incredible graphics — even stuff you have no clue about and don’t care to know. The “systems” button will show you more about the engine, drive train, fuel system and suspension than you ever wanted to know. The “entertainment system” display (read: AM, FM, Sirius and Bluetooth options) is better than anything I have in my house. There are 18 pre-programmed stations that can be set and a simple “touch” will change from jazz to country and western to news. I can probably get Billy Graham in Spanish if I want — not sure. Anyone listen to Russian folk songs lately?

However, getting the programs you want placed in the right position on the touch-screen display takes an engineer from the School of Mines. My old Chevy was easy: Six buttons — find the station you want and push the button in and hold it. Bingo: The station was programmed. I thought “Sirius” was a term used for dating back in 1964, the year I got my first set of wheels. Also, the windshield wiper controls on my Chevy could be set on “fast” and “half fast” or “on/off.” Now, there are variable speeds, and I can choose whether or not to have my rear window cleaned off, washed or left alone.

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