Chia pet moment

“You know, since I’ve been eating these chia seeds, I’ve noticed my beard has gotten heavier.”

My husband, Peter, was talking to my father downstairs. I sat up at attention. 

This comment about the chia seeds was news to me. I knew Peter was eating chia seeds because he thought it might lower his cholesterol. Peter is always reading articles about health and I don’t usually pay a lot of attention. He reads scientific studies about a variety of things. The studies are rarely conclusive, but if they indicate that eating chia seeds might be a good thing, Peter starts eating them every morning. 

My cholesterol is low and I’ve never eaten a chia seed in my life. But this information about his beard caught my attention. For one full moment.

Then I realized this was Peter’s way of making a joke. 

“You mean like a Chia Pet?” I hollered downstairs.

Peter started laughing and my dad groaned, and I was deeply disappointed. Because I was actually hoping it was true. 

I had been hoping—for one long and optimistic moment—that chia seeds might help my hair. My hair is so wispy at this point that saying I look like a dandelion gone to seed is doing dandelions a disservice. I look at photos of myself taken a couple of years ago and can see I used to have a lot more hair. I can see a trajectory and it’s not going in the right direction. I wouldn’t mind one bit if I started to resemble a Chia Pet. It would be a big step up, as I see it. 

“Yes!” Peter laughed. “I’ve started to look like a Chia Pet!”

Now, this is almost true. Peter has a lot of hair. His whole family has a talent for growing hair. But the idea of a real-life, Chia Pet-type cure stayed with me. That’s the trouble with getting your hopes up. When I was reconciled to being bald as a cue ball by 70, everything was fine. Get me hoping I might grow more hair—even for a moment—and I suddenly see this future filled with hair. I see luxuriant long tresses cascading down my back. Okay, not really. But I imagine having enough hair where it would make a noticeable difference if I ran a comb over my head or not. 

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