The cuddling kind

    Every once in awhile, I'll hear about an idea that makes me slap my forehead and say, “I wish I'd have thought of that.” Cow cuddling is one of those ideas.
    According to writer Linnea Zielinski, people are paying big money to cuddle and play with cows. She says it’s all part of something called “animal-centric holistic health.”
    To which I say, “Huh?”
    Linnea says that cow cuddling is for people who just can’t get into meditation, and she insists that cuddling with a cow will slow down your heart rate. “They will pick up on what’s going inside and sense if you are happy, sad, feel lost, anxious or are excited, and they will respond to that without judgement, ego or agenda.” She also says cows are sensitive and intuitive characters.
    Frankly, Linnea must be hanging around a different species of cow than the ones I’ve raised. The ones I’ve owned made me anxious, excited, nervous and contributed to at least one stroke. And anyone who says cows have no agenda has never sorted cows in a sorting alley because they have an agenda all right, and it’s to kill you!
    Linnea also refers to folks in the Midwest who have cows that will hang their heads over the fence to be petted. I can say without reservation that having owned hundreds of cows in my lifetime, I’ve never had a single one do this. Horses yes, but cows no. And how does one go about “playing” with cows? What kind of games do cows play — baseball, basketball, poker? Monopoly maybe? I’ve yet to meet a single bovine who had a jump shot or could throw a curveball. Granted, with four feet cows could have some potential as soccer players.

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