Help with conflict
Conflict. Just mention the word and you will get a visible response from many people. Some are ready at a moment’s notice to engage in conflict while others shrink away from it, but we all must face conflict in one form or another frequently. How we choose to deal with it will determine the strength of the relationships in our lives.
Solomon ruled and reigned the nation of Israel in unprecedented peace, something that has yet to be duplicated in their long history. Solomon has something to say concerning how to handle conflict that bears hearing and understanding – “A soft and gentle answer turns away anger, but harsh words stir it up.”
Conflict is assuaged or escalated with our choice of words and the tone in which we use those words. The words that we allow through our lips are so extremely powerful, yet we sometimes let these words out without any thought or consideration.
Harsh words are like vicious, caged dogs, barking and growling uncontrollably until someone opens the gate. If you don’t control these words, it only takes a slight opening in the gate for disaster to happen. When harsh words are turned loose, you can count on harsh words coming back at you - and the dog fight will not end until someone goes home limping and licking their wounds. The conflict is temporarily postponed but it is not over. These dogs will fight another day, likely adding another pack to resume the fight - and another, and another...
Gentle words take time to formulate. Gentle words require a gentle spirit. Gentle words sometimes require thick skin. Gentle words take the time to analyze the situation and to understand the conflict at hand. Gentle words are like a warm shower running over your skin and soothing away the aches and pains of the long day.
It is virtually impossible to have an argument with someone who is responding to you in a calm and gentle way. You fly off the handle and raise your voice in anger and the person who is feeling the blast from the furnace of your mouth responds in a soothing, gentle, calm voice. You may be able to work up one more blast, but pretty soon it is as if those gentle words are acting like a fire extinguisher. You can’t yell and argue very long if they aren’t yelling back.
The Apostle Paul had a handle on this issue when he wrote to the church at Colossae: “And let the supernatural peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one family, you are all called to live in peace.”
Conflicts ultimately stem from seeds of discontent.
There is a fictional story of a company constructing a factory in a foreign village to save on labor costs. The local villagers lived very simply and primarily got by from working the land in which they lived on. The factory was built, villagers were hired, and for the first two weeks everything was progressing as the company had hoped.
At the end of those first two weeks the villagers received their pay. The following Monday less than half of the workforce returned. The factory manager was dumbfounded. What happened?
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