It takes time and effort to rebuild trust
It can happen in an instant. It can also happen gradually. No matter how it happens, broken trust is painful and disorienting. Every relationship, whether it’s with friends, family or a romantic partner, is built on trust. When that foundation is shaken, you are shaken. Whether you’re in the wake of a massive betrayal, or struggling with a string of small broken promises, you must choose to trust again if you want the relationship to survive.
But relationships can come back stronger than ever. I’m not talking about a bunch of warm and fuzzy emotional nonsense, though. If you wait until you feel like it, you’ll never get around to it. It’s time to get serious about rebuilding trust if you’re experiencing the following signs in your relationships:
— Anxiety: Anxiety is an alarm that alerts you when you’re feeling disconnected, unsafe or out of control. Mistrust is a toxic cocktail of these ingredients.: You’re distant, you’re open to hurt, and it’s impossible to control the other person’s behavior. If you feel anxious about your relationship, you might be lacking trust in them, yourself or both.
— Controlling behavior: Being controlling is one of the telltale signs of a toxic relationship. You’re always monitoring, checking in, reading text and Facebook messages, or feeling fearful of what the other person is doing. You ask them where they’ve been and where they’re going. Every interaction feels like an interrogation or an opportunity to exert power.
— Anger and blame: When you lack trust with someone, you’re often quick to suspect, blame and become angry with them. You’ve been hurt before, so you’re quick to accuse people in an effort to protect yourself.
— Keeping secrets: A secret is purposefully hiding something from someone with an intent to deceive them. This is not about secretly preparing a birthday party. This is about loading up credit card debt that your partner doesn’t know about or ending every browsing session on your computer by clearing your search history because you want to hide your web traffic.
— Catastrophizing: Catastrophizing is the nerd word for assuming the worst. It’s when you expect someone to make a bad decision, to cheat, to hurt you, to show up late (again). It’s when your default setting switches from giving the benefit of the doubt to making up worst-case-scenarios.
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