Keep it simple, stupid

Why is it in conversation with one's horse or one's dog we use simple, one-syllable words like “come,” “sit” or “speak,” but when we talk to fellow human beings, we feel compelled to use multi-syllable idioms, formal appellation, extended discourse, locution and palaver that none of us understand? (Like I just did.)

For example, on a delayed plane trip recently we were offered a “complimentary beverage service.” We’d have been just as thrilled if the stewardess had simply said, “Free drinks!” When the plane ride got so bumpy my “complimentary beverage” spilled itself in my lap, the pilot said that we were experiencing “some minor turbulence.” Maybe he was ... I was being tossed around like a salad and wasn’t enjoying the unruly and violent tempestuousness one bit.

It’s not just those folks with their heads in the air who use big words; it is all of us. On the plane that day I read a realtor magazine that had been left behind by the previous occupant of my seat. It urged realtors to watch their language. Instead of using the word “commission,” realtors were urged to refer to their share as a “professional fee.” It seems that the word “price” is a real no-no, and the words “total investment” can make a $5,000 per month mortgage payment sound much better.

Bloated bureaucrats also use bloated words. A recent Congressional report on the defense budget seemed to be written in code. Dead people were referred to as “collateral damage,” bullets were “kinetic energy penetrators,” an invasion was a “pre-dawn vertical insertion” and a bomb was referred to as a “Peacemaker.” That to me is a counterfactual proposal (bald faced lie).

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