No gifts please

    I was talking with a friend about things people collect when he told me about a fellow who collected running shoes that belonged to famous runners. His collection was world class, and he was only lacking a pair from the most famous long distance runner of all time. At a birthday bash for the rich collector, there sat a wrapped box with a big bow on it that contained what were rumored to be THE SHOES. With trembling fingers, the collector carefully unwrapped the box which contained the final piece to his collection. Sure enough, the box contained the shoes the runner was wearing when he won his last Olympics; much to the collector's dismay, the box was empty.
    The greatest long distance runner in history ran barefoot!
    I enjoyed the story and the conversation turned toward the science of gift giving. I casually mentioned that my wife and I had just enjoyed our 44th wedding anniversary, and my friend asked what I got my wife. “I got her exactly what the shoe collector got. Nothing! It’s the same thing I give her every year for her birthday and Christmas. Nada! In fact, I think not giving presents to each other is the secret to our long and happy marriage.”
    The reason we refrain from giving gifts is not because I’m the world’s biggest tightwad, which I am. It’s just that my wife is an easy-keeper and already has everything she wants. And it’s at my wife’s insistence that we don’t buy frivolous gifts, and I ALWAYS do what I’m told. The last piece of jewelry I bought my wife was her wedding ring, which she doesn’t wear because it gives her blood blisters when digging post holes.
    I bought flowers for my wife once and she sneezed the entire time they were in the house, so I don’t waste any more money on roses or fancy floral arrangements. Besides that, flowers wilt and it’s against my better business instincts to buy anything that’s for pleasure, is fleeting or dies. Except for cows, of course.

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