Saluting the colonels (best of)

These electronic auctions that are flooding the internet are missing a very integral part: an auctioneer, often referred to as a colonel. (Why auctioneers are called colonels I haven’t a clue. They don’t have anything at all to do with fried chicken, nor is military service mandatory to become a bid caller.) It’s the auctioneer who builds momentum in an auction, makes it entertaining and engages in the art of salesmanship.

Once a year North America’s best livestock auctioneers converge on one of the continent’s leading livestock markets to compete in the World Champion Livestock Auctioneer Contest. If you ever get the opportunity to attend one of these events, I’d urge you to do so. Even better, if you have some cattle to sell, I’d recommend you consign them. Yes, the 30 semifinalists invited to compete do so by selling an actual sale.

You can imagine the market magic created when you have the best auctioneers in the world selling your cattle. I know one order buyer who every year buys up a lot of cattle in the country and consigns them to whichever market is hosting the World Championships. He’s made a lot of money doing it because buyers come from everywhere to be seen on TV participating in the World Championships.

I feel privileged to know and have worked with several world champions. To a man they are professionals with ability that always amazes me. Not only can they all talk faster than a TV preacher at collection time, they are calm as a horse trough and have the unique ability to say something witty at the same time a 1-ton bull is trying to get on the auction block with them. They also wear the strangest clothing this side of the Ladies Lead contest at the county fair. I suppose their theory is that the judges will be more apt to remember a contestant if he is wearing a flashy outfit. So the auctioneers show up in mauve, orange and lime green clothing. (Sometimes all on the same sport jacket!)

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