What’s with the limo?

I’ve always felt that some of the smartest people in America call South Dakota home. Maybe all that time waiting for it to warm up is spent watching Jeopardy marathons.

What got me to thinking about smart people was a letter I got from one, my friend Russell in South Dakota. Russell told me about an appraisal he did on a 20-degree-below day that was 18 miles off the paved highway with 6-foot snow drifts on both sides of the road. In other words, it was your typical beautiful South Dakota day. When Russell finally reached civilization, he noticed the requisite row of old trucks, tractors and other rusty antiques parked in a long line that you’d find on any South Dakota ranch. All except one vehicle, that is. A late model, black limousine.

Russell was in the process of saying goodbye but there was something bothering him and he couldn’t leave without asking, “What’s with the limo?”

It seems the ranch owner had a real dilemma about a wedding. (Don’t all men?) His was a problem known to all who live out beyond the boonies: a lack of services. His son was getting married and the bride had her heart set on riding in style. And an 1895 Studebaker Coach pulled by a pair of matched Percherons, the same ones used for feeding the cows, wasn’t it. No, she wanted a real limo ... the longer, the blacker, the better.

The problem is if you’re in the area and you Google the word “limousine,” the first 10 responses will direct you to a breed of cattle. Still, his son didn’t want to disappoint his new wife right out of the gate. If she had her heart set on a limo, a limo she would have.

The nearest limo operator they could find had a standard $300 rate, which sounded high but beggars can’t be choosers. But that was before all the add-ons: There was a motel charge, a fuel charge and a special $1,500 charge. That was because the wedding coincided with prom night. And because the old limo hadn’t been serviced lately, there’d likely be extra charges for parts, like an oil filter, new set of plugs, oh, and one tire looked kinda “iffy.” Did I mention that the limo driver also owned the local auto parts store?

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