When the cows go out

If some scoundrel rustles one of your animals and you notify the local police, chances are that you’ll never hear back from them. But if by chance one of your creatures gets out on a public highway they will notify you immediately. I know this from personal experience because I leased a ranch with terrible fences that borders a major freeway, and on occasion I must admit that some of my animals have been temporarily misplaced or leaked out into the landscape. These law breakers have included a horse, 32 sheep, a pig, several steers, heifers, cows and bulls (on numerous occasions). I am proud to say that the dispatcher at the local police station has my phone number included on her telephone speed dialer.

By observing members of the local police, the sheriff department and the state highway patrol in action I can tell you that I do not believe that animal herding or husbandry is something they teach at the police academy. I have yet to see a situation so bad that a law enforcement official could not make it worse ... and I mean no disrespect in saying that. Let me make it very clear that I support  my local police, so much so that as a public service I have written a training manual to aid law enforcement officials  in coping with escapees of the four legged variety.

The following test  is to be taken only by members of the law enforcement fraternity.

Question: If a call comes over your radio that a bull is grazing beside a busy highway in your jurisdiction you should immediately:

A) Turn down the volume on your portable radio and continue to flirt with the waitress at the coffee shop.

B) Call in the SWAT team.

C) Call in sick for the day.

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